Well, you can see me as a tall girl who loves animals,they are like family to me but doesn't mean I am one I am a human girl. I have two sisters and one big brother, I don't get to see him very often because he has a different dad. My little sister has a different dad too. My dad Kevin works on a big fishing boat, he goes out for 3 weeks then comes in for 3 weeks. I live with my mum step dad Tony and Darnika my baby sister. Melissa my sister and I go to stoke school. I have some awesome friends my best are Amy,Talia and Latia. My second best friends are Georgia, Oliva and Shimya they are also fast swimmers. We all went to the inter schools I came 2nd in my finals and I do not no what they cam. I am a bit faster then all of them. so as you can see me as a tall and sporty girl and you can all so see me as a animal lover.
by Nikayla
Paragraphs and pics just about demand that viewers read your post Nikayla - excellent work! I love the personal voice and expressive language that you use too.
ReplyDeleteWork on introducing your main ideas (family and friends. Then a paragraph for each main idea (2 paragraphs so far). Finish with a conclusion paragraph ("So as you can see...").
Two things about reader understanding. I'm not sure what "you can see me as..." means (it sounds expressive though). Second, you haven't written about animals in any detail at all - so how can you finish with "seeing you" as an animal lover.
Teach
It is true, the pictures are attention grabbing and the paragraphs make me think it will be easy to read. Well done.
ReplyDeletethank you mr t
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