4 Apr 2012

Cycling to be safe!!!!

By Zaria

We did Cycle Safety! We go Cycling,the Twisty plank and it was all really fun!

Some of us slipped and some didn't. We had races around the field with our bikes. We had a police called Constable garland to help us.

The Twisty plank was fun, going left then Right and Down and up after left then done!

It was crazyly fun or even Spectaculear!!!

2 comments:

  1. The twisty plank sure sounds exciting Zaria.

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  2. Reader Understanding:
    Grammar - shaky (eg, "We go Cycling...")
    Spelling - fairly accurate.
    Punctuation - accurate in some places,missing, or incorrect, in others.
    Background Info - too much guess work for the reader.

    Reader Interest:
    You chose the "Twisty plank" (why the capital 'T'?) to write about but the details were too general. Was this story about you? How did your adventure start? Then what happened to you? Then what? What happened to you at the end?
    I like the adjectives and personal comments but they'd be more effective if the reader understood what was happening in the story.

    Teach

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