Yesterday there was a tryatlon at tahuna and I was the runner in my team. with jontee and caleb. jontee was the biker and caleb was the swimmer. and we came frist place. and we had fun. it was tiering. when I finshed. I was like we did it. I was proud of my salf. I said to my salf im a all black by will.5 Mar 2012
WEET-BIX TRYATHLON
Yesterday there was a tryatlon at tahuna and I was the runner in my team. with jontee and caleb. jontee was the biker and caleb was the swimmer. and we came frist place. and we had fun. it was tiering. when I finshed. I was like we did it. I was proud of my salf. I said to my salf im a all black by will.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Great to see you finish your first post flying solo Will (remember to name your work). The post is easy to understand (accurate spelling and grammar). Punctuation needs editing(capital letters - you're using "and" to start the last 2 sentences, and full stops).
ReplyDeleteYou need to work on writing for the reader's interest Will. Choose 1-2 ideas that inspire you to write about in detail (what happened on the run, what was it like?). Paint a picture with words so that the reader knows exactly what the tryathlon was like for you.
I did it
ReplyDelete