Snap on the 4th of march I broke my toe. I was sitting on the floor screaming in pane because it hurt so much. I bent so far for wards it nearly tuched my foot. then My toe started bleeding. then my mum came with two bandeges. one to stop the bleeding and one ceep my toe's to gether. I coul'd walk for a week.
by Max
Ouch! That does sound painful Max. What an excellent topic to blog about! How did it happen?
ReplyDeleteI bent it
DeleteThere is some excellent writing in this post Max. The first three sentences grab the reader's attention. They are gross but expressive ("Snap!" "sitting on the floor screaming", "It bent so far forwards it nearly touched my foot"). A great introduction that needed the whole story to be told (how? then what happened?), with the truth stretched a little, to make the reader want to read to the very end.
ReplyDeleteRemember to proofread and edit for spelling and punctuation, and THEN confrence with a buddy before publishing.
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