By Shimya, Amy, Olivia and Nikayla !!!
12 Mar 2012
Water time!!
On the 8th of March Nikayla, Amy, Olivia and Shimya went to the swimming inter-schools at Nayland pool to re-present Stoke School. It was a tremendous water blast. The 1st event was Freestyle, 2nd was backstroke then it was breath stroke. After the finals it was the Junior relays then it was the Senior relays. Nikayla came 1st in freestyle in the first heat and then she came 2nd in the finals. Olivia came 4th in the 1st heats of freestyle but didn't go to the finals. Shimya came 3rd in freestyle but she didn't go through to the finals. In backstroke Olivia came 3rd for the 1st heats and Shimya came 4th in back stroke. Amy came last but unfortunately she didn't make it through to the finals. Better luck next time Amy. Then finally it was time for the Junior girls relay. Shimya's team had a splash of water fun as they crossed the finish line coming 2nd. They wouldn't have come 2nd if it weren't for 1 team being disqualified. Last but not least it was time for Nikaylas team the the Senior girls relay team. Nikayla's team was overjoyed after they had finished the race because they had come 4th. Stoke School did really good at the inter-schools. It was a spraytastic day.
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Good, but who are you?
ReplyDeleteWe are Olivia, Nikayla, Amy and Shimya
DeleteGood job ladies (both with the writing and your swimming).
ReplyDeleteThe writing is very accurate and the reader has no problems understanding you. The next step is to use paragraphs for each main idea (introduction, Nikayla winning, etc).
Lots of details have been listed but you need to think about which details are interesting for the reader (usually the details that you cared about). For example,how about a paragraph detailing a race that each one of you swam in? You have added interest by the use of expressive language (eg, "a tremendous water blast").
Teach