I have long hair. a am brown skinned my name is Shardanee I have two brthers I have a red bike and I like doing skids on my bike I like going on boat and going fast
My brothers names are Tawhiao and Kaipara they are 4 and 5 years old my Mum is 28 years old. and Iam 9 years old. the boat ridding is so fun. on the boat we get a lot of water on us because we go so fast I see sting rays while I was on the boat.
my bike is red and my favourite colour is red thats why I like it.and it is allso black my brothers have a bike too.
I had a red bike when I was 8. Kaipara is a very cool brother and you make a wonderful big sister!
ReplyDeleteA good first post Shardanee! You've organised your writing into paragraphs. Even better, you began with an introduction which gave a little bit of background information and introduced the 2 main ideas that you've chosen to write about in your paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteYou've tried to write accurately and the bio is very easy to follow (understand). You need to work on spelling and punctuation.
You have chosen 2 main ideas that you care about to interest the reader (boat rides and bike riding). You have also added a couple of details about both ideas. More interest could be added by recounting a time on the boat and/or the bike that you loved. Using expressive language to paint a picture of how much you loved those times would have the reader hooked.
Teach
thank you mr T I no I am A wonderful big sister
Deletemy first post was no that good
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